Well, if everyone out there hasn't guessed by my lack of posts lately, it's been a crazy time of letting go and drastic changes for me. And the whole whirlwind that's become my life lately really made me think this Thanksgiving about exactly what it is that I'm thankful for.
In a matter of a month, I've probably experienced every emotion in the book, from sadness to excitement to loneliness to anger....In a matter of a month I've gone from preparing to get engaged to having to cope with being bitter and single, and then wondering if I'm bitter because I'm single or if I'm just bitter....I think I'm just bitter. The whole being lied to thing is never fun, and I don't recommend it. That's all I'll say about that. Anyway, at this point I'm just trying to figure out how I can move from bitter to better, and I guess the fact that I can even sit back and say that it's possible to make something better out of a break-up is cause for thanks. Also I should probably be thankful that I have self-worth enough to be honest with others, self-esteem enough not to need the approval of some loser guy, and self-pride enough to recognize the value of living an authentic life. An authentic life without getting plastic surgeries and resorting to becoming the trashy "other woman". Unlike some people I know. I'm just thankful to be myself, and to know that being myself is enough.
I'm utterly and endlessly grateful for the friends and family who've helped me cope with all of my crazy life-changes. For the sister who stood in the backyard with me over the fire-pit the night of the big break-up, lighter fluid in hand, helping me literally burn the rest of his shit and anything material that reminded me of him. I definitely recommend a good lie-burning! Very cathartic.
In the matter of a month I also find myself happily employed at an up-and-coming TV network, when before I was broke as hell and wondering when I'd have to turn in my application to work retail or to join the hordes of English majors-turned-Baristas. Well, I now have a job that's fast-paced, interesting, and has pretty much nothing to do with being an English major....but it's something that I enjoy more and more everyday, which is a good thing. So I'm thankful for this wonderful new opportunity, I'm thankful to finally be making some money, and I'm definitely thankful for the amazing friend who got me this job in the first place.
I guess the saying 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger' has some truth behind it. The crazy stuff that's happened so quickly lately is hard to deal with, of course, but at the same time I know that I'll be better off having gone through this. I guess it's good to be able to reconnect with yourself and remember what it is that makes you YOU in the first place. I know now that I will never let go of the people in my life who truly love me and support me. And as for those who don't - fuck 'em. The only thing that matters in life is that you're living your life authentically, achieving what you want to achieve, and remaining grateful for all of the good things that come your way and, though they suck, all of the bad shit too.
And besides, when things go wrong, you can take solace in writing. Never mess with a writer - am I right?